We all have problems, both inflicted and self-inflicted. These are the issues which define our progress forward. The problems that stymie us. The ones we overcome. The ones we avoid. All of these define our way forward.
Some problems are material and concrete; money, housing, work, bosses, physical limitations. Others are mental, psychological; fear, repression, memory, confidence.
All of them are ours, all of them are real, all of them can be overcome in one way or another, or in some form or another. All of them can be beaten. Unless we allow them to beat us.
I am no expert in human motivation, unless failing a thousand times makes you an expert. I failed at so many things, and continue to do so. If there is one thing I have learned from my failures, it's that every time I failed, the only person that told me to quit was me.
There were times when that was good advice, but on so many occasions, it was wrong. And I have no-one to blame but me.
This all sounds so trite and smug, and full of self-knowledge, but it's not. It hurts to admit it. It is embarrassing, demeaning, and it makes me cringe when I think of the opportunities I was offered and the chances I squandered. I could have stuck with successful companies and risen through the ranks, had I only shown some humility, some self-restraint, and some respect. Instead, I turned my back on financial security, and the chance for a comfortable retirement down the road, all because I didn't want to face the obstacles that came with that role.
Were those decisions good ones? I sometimes think they were. But when money is tight, my family is threatened, and I need to ask for help, I have often beaten myself up for not choosing the safe way, for not protecting those who rely on me. I have been known to hate myself then.
The obstacles I chose not to face, or maybe I should say I failed to face, are familiar to us all. For me, they raise the same faces, time and again. Time. I do not manage Time at all well. I procrastinate, which is another word for Lazy. I am Lazy. I don't organise my Time well. I lack Focus. I am Lazy.
If I stopped being Lazy, I would have to accept an uncomfortable Truth. That is what holds me back, not being lazy, because everyone will tell you that I work as hard as anyone at my job.
What would happen if I overcame my Laziness, my bad Time-management, my Procrastination? I can tell you, because I sat down and looked at it. If I did all those things, I would have to face my biggest obstacle.
Fear Of Failure. Not Failure, just the fear of it. As long as I avoid reaching a point of fulfilment, I can't fail. If I don't have to reach that point, then I don't have to confront that fear. That's a very comfortable place to sit. And I have sat there for a LOOOONG time.
If I never go past those obstacles, I never have to confront my fears.
But if I never go past those obstacles..... I will always fear failure.... and we cannot succeed unless we first fail. Children never learn to walk without first falling down. Heroes are never made without first being afraid. All That.
And I am afraid to succeed in case I fail....
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